Let me take you on a journey.

I trace with my fingers the routes of maps in my head. The many things things that I would do without you.

I'd cross a few borders - Feel the breeze on my face with the wind in my hair, make long exploratory walks, see the piazzas of Italy, run through trails of fallen leaves in 4 colours, cross-country train ride - Malaysia to China, India, Europe, South Americas, have conversations with strangers, salsa in the town square and see the stars amongst a vast field that spans as far as my eyes can see and free from highrise buildings, believe in God and His will.

"If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up
and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong

I know better
Cause
you said forever
And ever, who knew?"

Who Knew ~ Pink                                      

Most importantly have someone physically there and not just saying things. And then I remember why we were built differently.

If I had it my way, I would have left so long ago. Singapore is far too small. Every corner I turn in Raffles place is a painful memory and everyday here just reminds me that I don't belong. I found myself in a bizzare soliloquy,

"If I leave in 2011, Boy would be 18. Plus Grandma's not in very good health. By the time I finish studying in 2013, Boy would be 20. I wonder if he'll live that long."

Indeed, the worst of my fears is that I'm afraid that my cat's going to die on me while I'm gone.

Talkback: Hello my name is ...

This post is inspired by Den, about the difficulty of getting goodfriends the older we get. 

As far as self introductions go which I have been doing quite alot lately trying to break out of an old mold, meeting new people is more like an opportunity that I allow myself.

Speaking of which, just yesterday, in jest, I was poking fun of my colleague,

LS: Actually I'm very shy one.
Me: *sniggering* LS, there is a difference between shy and anti-social.

To which our E, a fellow resident of our cubi-hood (cubicle neighbourhood) known as the vortex of the insanity burst out laughing and slapped me a nice high five.

So back to this issue of making friends, between shy and anti-social, I wouldn't be surprised if i gravitated to the latter. While it may be easy for me to go up to introduce myself, it's another thing altogether that one sees me at ease. One of the motivating factors could be dependent on the company I host or hosting me. 

I draw an example from personal experience, the secondary school that I went to was one of those mandarin speaking ones. Since my preferred and almost (only) language I can effectively converse in is English, I found it hard to build friendships but those that stick though, were well worth it, as I would discover as long as 12 years later. (ZOMFG, it's been 12 years since I first knew my secondary school friends lah -.- )

*ditsy moment* But I digress ...

When I had moved on to poly I realised it was easier to communicate with my peers, there were other people who were crap at their second languages, perhaps not so coincidental that they usually come from the MGSs, IJs and the St. somethings and I didn't feel so alone or intellectually challenged anymore.

Then came Uni where in a communications course the inability to articulate would cause much embarrassment. It gets easier for me to let my guard down to exchange initial pleasantaries but again out of so many superficial relationships built, some through the capacity of work or social activities I guess what matters more is the act of building and sustaining long term relationships.

Just for fun I did a short search on the web and I found some interesting articles, one of interest being, What's the ideal number of friends? that builds upon Dunbar's number that most people have 5 very close friends, 10 in the second tier of closer friends some of which might be made up of family, 35 in the next tier and about 100 in the last category where one would consider to be less than acquaintance.

Makes me kinda ponder about where I stand in my friends' lives. :)

Soapy tries scriptwriting for reality TV

Scene 486, Season 2: Enter bestfriend of main cast member, Sam into posh restaurant. Lighting is kept to a minimal almost like the Paris Hilton sex tape. She’s wearing a little tight electric blue dress with a matching expensive as hell handbag and stiletto heels. Her fake boobs look like they’re going to pop out of that sucka any moment yet she manages to jiggle daintily into a booth seat. 

She orders a bottle of sparkling water and lemon and checks her watch (product placement) and furrows her semi botox-ed brow. (It may or may not move depending on how recent botox was done)

Cue Jesse, tall hot tanned, sparkly light eyes with side swept perfectly blow dried hair. Walks no, saunters in. Slides into the booth seat with ease unlike Ms fake boobs.

He gives Sam a peck on the cheek. Sam looks visibly cheesed off.

Jess: Baby what’s wrong?

Sam: You’re late. Look, I’ve been here waiting for 2 full minutes for you. (Points at watch)

Jess: I’m not, I was parking the car. I told you to get out while I parked the car.

Sam: What ever. I’m hungry.

Jess proceeds to order his food.

Scene 487, Season 2:

Sam: Are you happy?

Jess: (While chomping on his food) Yeah.  What’s there not to be happy about?

Sam: I mean we’ve been seeing each other for about 5 months now. 

Jess: Yeah, its  been great. But I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I really want to but things have been so unsettled. 

Sam: (almost tearing) Yeah me too. 

Jess: By the way you remember my ex, Andi?

Sam: Yeah she was quite pretty. 

Jess: I don't think I'm over her. And she wants to get back together. I'm so CONFUSED.

Sam: I'm so drunk right now.

They start to make out.

**Soundtrack plays end credits roll. Voice over: Stay tuned for the next episode ...

The Hills with James Franco and Mila Kunis from James Franco

Blink and you'll miss it

Recycled texts - Post mortem for the Who the F%$# Are You Party

First and foremost I’d like to thank everyone who came down and made it so awesome. I’ve never really gotten to explaining how I came to this … The WTFRU party is really about reconnecting with all the people who have deemed themselves as friends over the years. 

Perhaps the party should have been Who the F%$# Are You (to me) Party. Heh.

Lots have happened within the past year, the most significant being the end of a long termed relationship of mine. As wise Ellen once said, at least I didn’t chose wrongly. I don't disagree, it’s really not that I mind being single but I really didn’t feel like spending this year’s birthday alone. 

It’s interesting to see that those who were there, have been there all along, with some odd surprises, great to see new faces and slightly disappointing those who were supposedly close that didn't make much of an effort and of course there are those who are too far away, u were with me in spirit and essence. I miss u guys much.

On a grubby note, I didn’t mean to get the Prima Deli and Bengawan Solo cakes. I was really looking forward to some good old fashioned rum-ed up Blackforest from Pine garden which has been a favourite since a few years back. But what to do … went down and they were closed for CNY. When life throws you lemons you make lemonade!

Thank you once again all. 

Photo sets here

CB FUCK!!!!!

!begin rant 

Who the fuck teach you lit review can omit reference one?! Am I supposed to telepathically know where your sources come from or search it out myself? Bladdy hell!!!!

Barry Manilow's rendition of Right Here Waiting sucks ass. Don't mess with the original! 

I heard Susanna and the Magical Orchestra's cover of Love Will Tear Us Apart on Fel's blog (Got to hand it to her for her great taste in music) It sounded so pretty. Then I heard Fall Out Boy's cover and the original. *cringe* It's like they took her Chanel dresses and recorded music out of shredding them to pieces. 

I need a new man whore. I have very short attention spans. Past applicants will not be considered. New ones will go through very stringent screening. Impress me with your best pole dance moves or if you can pick up my drinks tab without bankrupting yourself first. Mingers may not apply. 

!end rant

Fiction - inspired by friends

Philosophie says: (2:30:58 PM)

Give me a setting and occupation

wayne.rée says: (2:31:19 PM)

uh... why?

Philosophie says: (2:33:20 PM)

just give me one

wayne.rée says: (2:33:43 PM)

the desert and accountant

Philosophie says: (2:34:06 PM)

y accountant?

wayne.rée says: (2:34:29 PM)

because it's the last job you'd expect of someone in the desert

wayne.rée says: (2:34:35 PM)

is this some weird fiction exercise?

Philosophie says: (2:34:38 PM)

yah

wayne.rée says: (2:35:35 PM)

thank yeh

Philosophie says: (2:36:33 PM)

the desert thing is so turn off-ish

Philosophie says: (2:36:40 PM)

coz i was thinking of something kinky

Philosophie says: (2:36:48 PM)

but she might get sand in her ...

Philosophie says: (2:37:10 PM)

and he might get abrasions

wayne.rée says: (2:37:19 PM)

so, essentially you just want to write an erotica and needed a main character and a setting. how is that even an exercise in fiction?! 

Philosophie says: (2:37:47 PM)

i'm flexing my creative muscles here

Philosophie says: (2:37:53 PM)

do not question my methodology

Philosophie says: (2:38:20 PM)

its going to be a porn script

wayne.rée says: (2:38:28 PM)

and yet you're not happy with the setting. see, you're just pretending to be exercising, when actually you're slacking off in a corner of a gym.

wayne.rée says: (2:38:55 PM)

oooooooooh, i wanna write a porn script!! i haven't done sex stories in years!! plus, if it gets made, i get my name on the credits!!

Philosophie says: (2:39:06 PM)

copycat

Philosophie says: (2:39:27 PM)

i'll slap u with a used rubber dildo from desker

wayne.rée says: (2:39:27 PM)

i was thinking of co-writing with you, but fiiiiiiine. be selfish.

He sat by the café window thinking about the soiree that had occurred the night before. His 3 shot espresso latte had hardly stirred him from the undead he was stirring into.

“At least I feel free. I am free,” he reassured himself. His thoughts shifted to Amanda the accountant. If that was even her name or profession, one could never be sure from a one-night stand.

They had met at a bar in the central business district. She was with some colleagues when he had chatted her up, she already had a drink in hand. It was an uninspiring cosmopolitan. If there was one thing he had picked up, girls with cosmos were definitely more agreeable. Strip her off her expensive vintage Chanel suit, what he saw was a lonely soul who resonates with too much Sex and the City.

Like a tiger on the prowl executed his moves. By the time she had downed her 7th cocktail for the night, she was begging him to take her home, allowed him to grope her in inappropriate places in full view of the public and skillfully taken off her knickers and placed them in his pants pocket.

Her apartment was sparsely furnished. The first thing that caught his eye in her zen inspired apartment was a 3 by 3 sandbox.

The body that encased in the suit that he peeled off was nothing short of amazing, he lapped her up like a mirage in a desert. (Insert 3 different sex positions in graphic detail - you may get as creative or kinky as you want here. I know y'all have filthy minds)

And that was the story of Amanda the accountant. 

All are welcome to provide input on the anti climatic ending, I'm down with a fever and bad throat, can't think of anything that inspiring in that department. So note away ... 

Making something out of nothing

Sometimes, I'm amused at how I amuse myself.

Like yesterday in class, as usual KL bombed. Soo reckons she could probably recite the lecture while having sex. I countered by saying something really nasty ** and that she probably wouldn't be having any sex.

Image used with permission from Joey Hohoho

Anyhow, here's a list of Questionable Notes that I took down during the lecture, because I'm so hardworking.

• Uncontrollable urges


• Mail Male shorts (I was imagining the super short type)


• Move in (It sounds really sexy if you say it right at an opportuned time)


• Gorrila marketing (ok this was just dumb)


• Climax


• When you do it at the bus stop ... with people watching (This is so kinky when taken out of context)


• Boost sagging ...


• Personal selling (sounds like self prostitution)


• Mail Male bleeds (sounds like male menstruation)


• Stroke their ego


• Super agency urgency


• High impact message massage


• planning shit (I forgot where this came from) She meant planning sheet


• Tit bit


• DIY

If ....

I get the job.
I might have to stop eating.
Yes I want it that badly.
I would give up many things.
Most importantly, I wanted to see.
The look on his face.
Take back my dreams.
They've always been mine.
Not yours but mine.

The last customer

He seemed like a decent bloke, his dressing befitting what she classifies as the typical nerd.
When she first checked him out, he was dressed in khaki tailored pants, a yellow clean polo tee and lugged around a black haversack. He was neither spotty or hunched-backed or ugly in any sense. Not wanting to let this opportunity get away so easily she licked her faux Chanel hot red lips.

"This was going to be so easy," she thought to herself.

She wasn't the first girl he had in mind. He was so guarded. Every step to be executed with precision.He's never kissed a girl before let alone spend the night with one. Nevermind, she was so willing and eager to please that girl.

She couldn't believe her luck when he said that he needed her the whole night.

The pair didn't check into a love hotel, but a 4 star hotel.He had done his homework, he needed a 4 poster bed for the perfect setting and that was one of the few places that had them.

When they arrived at the room, there was no passionate kissing. Unlike with other dirty old men who would already started getting warmed up in the lift, fondling, caressing and preparing for the obvious. He was stiff and mumbled his instructions.

Instead, he unpacked his black haversack and mounted a tripod. He said she could take a shower if she wanted to while he was occupied. And she did. She thought that he was kinkier than he looked.

She emerged from the shower radiant from the too warm water wearing nothing but the hotel towel wrapped around her. The camera was set. She didn't protest when he bound her with rope. or when he gagged her. She was still so ... eager to please.

The rope went around her neck following her petite bustline and around her hands in a tight dead knot. He had used a different rope for her small feet.

He could smell her intense excitement, her eyes said it all, she was longing to be ravaged.
She just wanted to cut to the part where they would fuck. She was horny and excited by this new thing they were trying.

------------------------------

The morning after ....
It was the chambermaid that found the girl's naked body. She was still gagged and it was only later that the police determined that she was suffocated by a pillow case. She had put up quite a struggle. The ropes that she was bound with were stained with dried blood that cut into her soft young flesh.

She was a university student and a part time model, exotic dancer, social escort.
She was only 20 years old and came from a family that didn't do really well.

He wanked to the footage that he had newly acquired and recalled fondly how she was so eager to please.

---END---

The last time "someone" challenged me to Where's Wally, I beat him 6-3.
If you're thinking that 9 is such an odd number its because we gave up on 1 coz we couldn't find the freakin dog's tail and the whole page was filled with imposter Wallys.

So in response to "you cannot write morbid stories"

That's one to rise up to the challenge.
I might write my own obituary next.
I CAN do morbid.