In conversation

(Finally) Met up with Sha last week and was telling her about how in 5 years time, my mom would regret not letting me date when I was younger. With most of our secondary school friends hitched, i told her that we should have just gotten knocked up when we were 17. By now we'd have a husband, a kid and our own place. Assuming the whole purpose in life as a struggling middle lower class work horse = HDB dream* = accomplishment. It's better than chasing our own selfish personal ambitions and being lonely. Yes, if you couldn't catch it in the tone of my voice, I was being sarcastic. And then we laughed at the sheer irony, clinked our ice cream glasses (we were at Swensens) and toasted to that.

I thought I'd just include a little epilogue of the yardstick. He is there while I am here, separated by at least 16 hours of flight time. I think there is no question about whether he likes me I'm quite sure he does but it's more of whether he likes me enough. 

When I'm with him things are so well executed that I really wonder if i'm just another one of the girls that he's made a move on for the umpteenth time. It is in good counsel that I was told to forget him, words like holiday girlfriend came up. 

I don't think I ever have the willpower give him up when he's the one who looks me up in the first place. It could end well or come to nothing at all but I am not hoping for a happy ending although I have to admit, it'd be quite an awesome story to tell. At this point, I cannot even hope. His parting words to me were see you next year. That fucker.

* rite of passage. Finish school, get a partner, start a career, get a (government subsidised public housing) flat and get married.

Writer's block. Here's an oldie but goodie I came across a while back to keep you company while i go regenerate.

'Aku Ingin' Sapardi Djoko Damono
Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkankayu
kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikanawan
kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada