Friday, October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

In conversation

Mobile (sms) Attraction

FBC: Buying subway now. Thinking of getting your favourite sour cream chips.
Me: Cookie! White chocolate macadamia!!
FBC: Really? Strange I have the same craving
Me: That's why you are so incredibly attracted to me
FBC: Mmmm I thought it was your personality, smile, sense of humour, looks and more
Me: You shallow person you!
FBC: I know I'm terrible
Me: This is one of those moments where I go awww that's terribly cute, lean in and kiss you
FBC: I'm blowing a stream of kisses right now
Me: That's wasting kisses ... like air freshener in a busy toilet! Stop it!

Dialog worthy of modern age rom-coms.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

In conversation

Why married people shouldn't talk to single people about their sex lives. 

C: man I still haven got my period m gonna miss out on the fun this week camping

Me: You can try making tampons out of leaves! That'd be fun. 

On some life long lessons.

J: She call you for what? So you can start the jilted T** brothers club

Me: WTF are u talking about, I was there in 2002. I fucking pioneered the club. After what happened then I would think I've learnt my lesson. Nair mind ~ I know better now. 

Sunday, October 26, 2008

In conversation - And it just keeps getting better people

Boys and girls ... I present to you the effects of alcohol. 

Wayne: My friends and I have a game, everytime someone says something remotely sexual someone responds with that's what she said.

Wayne doing the Eric Cartman 

Wayne as EC: Skinny ass ... I'm going home
Shirin: That's too short
Me: Yeah that's what SHE said. 

And now we return to our regular scheduled programming:

I wish I had ninja search skills ... 

wayne.rée says: (5:27:03 PM)
i have a picture of me in a spider-man costume when i was five years old, one of me in a britney like tied up t-shirt dancing with another guy, one of me with a tire around my waist and boots tied around my neck and one of me in drag. at this point, you REALLY think me in make up is a surprise or a shock to ANYONE?
*hsus - SoPPy says: (5:29:32 PM)
i doubt so
*hsus - SoPPy says: (5:29:37 PM)
u got me at britney
*hsus - SoPPy says: (5:29:47 PM)
really now ... britney?!

Right now I'd love to get my hands on that Britney pic, I should make that my life long goal. 

Reason 5 on why I think Wayne is a lesbian continued ...

His ex girlfriend The last girl he slept with was one. Makes the transition to date men all the more easier. Baby steps now. 

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

In conversation

*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:54:00 PM)
hurhur kudos to ur ninja search skills 
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:54:09 PM)
great for virtual stalking
wayne.ree says: (3:54:22 PM)
(of which i never partake in. ever.)
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:54:35 PM)
lies. lol
wayne.ree says: (3:54:52 PM)
you have no proof to the contrary!
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:57:40 PM)
for now
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:57:56 PM)
gives villianous slitty eyed look
wayne.ree says: (3:58:28 PM)
wow. that makes me the protagonist of this drama? that is SO fucked up
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:59:29 PM)
think the punisher
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:59:39 PM)
zomg i just made a geek reference
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:59:54 PM)
*shakes fist*
wayne.ree says: (3:59:56 PM)
i know. my influence is rubbing off on ya.
*hsus - SoPPy says: (3:59:57 PM)
damn u wayne

In life, if you don't give head, you don't get head

After my breakup with Cancer, I was having a conversation with the Yardstick over one martini too many. He was leaving and I drank waaaay too much even for my standards. Imagine me slurring and me shifting precariously on the bar stool.

"Marriage should be like a business transaction. I mean look at my parents 13 years of marriage later, my dad goes off to marry a woman not much older than me. Fast forward another 12 years later, now he's telling me that he's tired of his new wife. And talking to me as if I'm his friend as if to get sympathy or validation. WTF. I should be the last person who should believe in love. There is no love. It's non-existent! There can only be lust and sex."

He listens obviously amused and asks me to tell him more about the business transaction.

"You see natural selection will not allow me to shag an ugly guy. Simply because I'm not ugly, I'm not drop dead gorgeous but I'm not ugly. You've got to be one of the best looking guys around in the bar and yet you're fixated on me."

At this point he laughs, looks around, two well dressed chicks pass him and says, that's because you have the nicest tits here.

Image used for editorial purposes only.
"Well at least they're good for one thing," I answered in a deadpanned voice.

So I reckon if I could one day find me a man who supported my endeavors, have aesthetically average looks, have 2.5 kids, an apartment and provided food on the table, I might cave and settle as opposed to going into academia, getting published, writing a novel, writing a cook book. Becoming an alcoholic, doing drugs, dying young. 

If I really wanted to be an overachiever, I'll marry an Indian Eurasian, my kids will defo enter Ms Singapore Universe. Or Ms Tiffany if they're as fucked as I was.

Monday, October 20, 2008

On the superficials

Time mellows people. I have this thing for guys with huge eyes that sparkled with life. The yardstick once said, over a bottle of wine after dinner, "we'd probably make beautiful kids together." Not that I was in a baby producing moment but it was the way he lowered his gaze upon me, invitingly. And of course being the yardstick he was prefect in every way. 

This weekend I learnt something very important about sight. It goes beyond what we can see, what we chose to see but most importantly what we can do by seeing. A deceivingly tiny pair of eyes saw more than I ever had, opened my mind and heart to hope and possibility. I think that was the best gift I could receive. Whatever happens, at least we'll laugh at the same potty jokes.

On a separate note, I'm having a fat day. I was looking at a particular picture which i took after my cousin's wedding, I cannot imagine how big my boobs will I'll be if one day I were to have kids. I'd post the picture up but it'll cause some sort of a nose bleed inducing moment according to someone I forwarded it to. 

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Spiralling down the rabbit hole

Robin Scherbatsky: You know what? You gave it away too early. You're an "I love you" slut.

Ted Mosby: Yeah, well you're an "I love you" prude. You know what? I'm taking mine back.

Robin Scherbatsky: You can't do that!

Ted Mosby: Just did. In fact, I'm giving it away, because I'm a slut.

[to a stranger]

Ted Mosby: Hey, I love you.

I faltered. I didn’t want to pull a Ted Mosby. The right words came too quick too soon. My mind was racing and the words swirled in my mouth while I deliberated what to say. I was being so PC I wanted to smack myself and yet in his presence I was who I was, completely disarmed. I guess the question is … was he who he was with me? I couldn’t tell. I wanted hold on to that moment for as long as I could and never let go. It scares me that I feel this way – a crazy kind of beautiful.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Making something out of nothing

Sometimes, I'm amused at how I amuse myself.

Like yesterday in class, as usual KL bombed. Soo reckons she could probably recite the lecture while having sex. I countered by saying something really nasty ** and that she probably wouldn't be having any sex.

Image used with permission from Joey Hohoho

Anyhow, here's a list of Questionable Notes that I took down during the lecture, because I'm so hardworking.

  • Uncontrollable urges

  • Mail Male shorts (I was imagining the super short type)

  • Move in (It sounds really sexy if you say it right at an opportuned time)

  • Gorrila marketing (ok this was just dumb)

  • Climax

  • When you do it at the bus stop ... with people watching (This is so kinky when taken out of context)

  • Boost sagging ...

  • Personal selling (sounds like self prostitution)

  • Mail Male bleeds (sounds like male menstruation)

  • Stroke their ego

  • Super agency urgency

  • High impact message massage

  • planning shit (I forgot where this came from) She meant planning sheet

  • Tit bit

  • DIY

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Witty Wednesdays. Die KL DIEEEEEEEEEEEE

Besides going about my usual nonsence and nuances, I think the previous story is fresh from the melanchony that I write. Reminds me of the final story in Pillowman about the painted pigs. Light and whimsical.

I am in a cheery mood despite being bogged down with what I feel is a dastardly bout of cold - sore throat, slightly feverish, aches and pains around my back thanks to Norman's good news - the cheery mood not the sickie. I'm not sure if it's a strange thing to say that the moods of my friends are caught on to me as if through osmosis. Norman my dear friend is in love.

I found this quote from Forbes

“Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.”

Happiness infects contagiously. I feel happy that things are working for him and even though I'm one of the bros (according to him that is), I can't help being reduced to giggles. *Thumps chest* Bro-ish giggles of course.

I've decided to go on a short break of the mind. I know with deadlines looming. I chant "I think I can I think I can." I'm trying to psyche myself into the zone. Some distraction is good.

Recycled Texts / Fiction inspired by "real people" - How I met Chuckles

The story would begin with a maze and lots of doors, after following a leprechaun down a rabbit hole and mistaking him for a midget (Watching the mini-me sex tape has somewhat influenced this story in a life altering horrific way *shudder*)

Distracted I hadn't noticed that I had stepped on a huge pile of manure. Like water buffalo poop not elephant.

The said excretion turned out not to be just any pile of shit but a talking turd that granted me 3 wishes. While trying to wipe off bits of the talking turd on the soles of my shoes, I thought long and hard and before I could open my mouth to say it out loud *poof* I was transported to a huge fair with cool rides around me and a change of shoes. I soaked up the atmosphere and sniffed the air that was a mad mix of popcorn, fresh cotton candy and grilled hotdogs.

When I looked straight ahead and there was this strange guy wearing a sarong and an Ah Pek singlet standing by the carousel, in his hands were a bunch of red balloons and a box of chocolates. Hi! My name is Chuckles he said to me. And that was how I would have met you.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Queerer than queer

J's tramp stamp, yes who ever is reading right now, J is a guy with an extremely small waist.

I also present to you the first 3 4 reasons and more reasons to keep on counting on why I think Wayne is a closet lesbian.

1. He once asked me if he gave on a certain gay vibe when I met him for coffee as if to ask for validation of some sort. While I gave a very meh answer because such things do not really bother me. I'd never known that this would be the start of something so epic.

2. He wants to go to work in sneakers and a suit.

Barney Stinson: Suit with sneakers. A little Ellen DeGeneres, but you pull it off.

Philosophie says:
i say lets go for a nasty yeast infection (On cursing KL with a yeast infection)
.xom says:
yeah, but to see her awkwardly try to discretely scratch herself down there? disturbing... and priceless.
Philosophie says:
yup she'll be in some sort of shaolin stance attempting to limbo the table with a cactus as a centre piece for purely asthetic reasons ala ellen
.xom says:
so, we're agreed? itchy genital warts then?
Philosophie says:
ok u won me over
.xom says:
channelling our joint belief then in 3...
.xom says:
.xom says:
.xom says:
BELIEVE! (rainbow icon)
.xom says:
(i've never used that rainbow emoticon before and the first time i do? it's for genital warts. my god...)
Philosophie says:
ok this is going to be reason no. 3 why i believe you are a lesbian

Ooooh I just remembered this one

4. He loves the word man-gina (new)

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Reason 12918462 on why I <3 being fag hag

We have an arrangement whereby every time we walked into a unisex shop, he’d go his way and I’d go mine. We don't go for the same dress, I don't end up not buying something because he saw it first, he has excellent taste in women's wear as well as colour coordination (unlike moi), and still get to laugh and bitch about ridiculously fugly fashion.

Most of time he walked away with something after all I had only $50 to spare so I scoured mostly the bargain counters for casuals. My suits, jackets and OL stuff can wait. Get the job then say lah. Will cross the bridge when it comes. Of course here’s to hoping the bridge comes, sooner than later.

Saw some really nice stuff - a sequined LBD which I have no occasion to wear to, a super cute ruffled top that I’m too fat to wear now that will look fab with a pencil skirt and skinny arms. 

I am fashion idiot, was trying to google what this type of cutting is called. Women's clothes are so mind boggling lah. Halters, racer backs, spag tops the list goes on. My brain is simply not equipped in storing so much useless information. 

I am missing skinny me. This is she BTW

Vintage 2003 post breakup with the same ass, fucker, he should not be named cancer. Now I feel so past my prime. 

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Why Geeks rule ...

This made me tear a little.
View the animation clearer below.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

If ....

I get the job.
I might have to stop eating.
Yes I want it that badly.
I would give up many things.
Most importantly, I wanted to see.
The look on his face.
Take back my dreams.
They've always been mine.
Not yours but mine.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Mental rest day.

I know isolation might sound like a horrible place to be for some people. Many of the friends I have are actually social butterflies. I on the other hand bask in anonymity. Fortunately for me, my last year of secondary school was more kind than the others and I guess its the good memories that will always remain. This is one of the few private sanctuaries I go to when I'm alone. This is what keeps me sane and reminds me of the measure of my journey.

Politics was never something I was interested in but I've got to admit the way VP hopeful Palin is playing the field is reminiscent of Miss Teen USA North Carolina 2007. I'd be damned if the maverick pair, Joe Six-pack and soccer mom win. I've gotta credit my strategic management lecturer for cultivating my interest in the excitement and media portrayal of campaigning. If not for him, I wouldn't be checking out SNL the vice presidential debate 2008.

Lastly, I really need to sit down and remap my options and routes. I succumbed to a panic attack yesterday with the impending interview, my horrible weekend and too much time to think. It was as if I see my life flashing past me like a horrible car crash in slow mo'.

Some thoughts about my deed over the weekend: I cannot apologize for what I did because again, I was just doing the dirty work. As Dean once told me, "cannot live without is a strong feeling." I owed it to myself to do the thing you couldn't do, the right thing - Set me free. Lying by omission is still lying, you don't lie to hurt people you love, you don't prolong pain. You knew how I felt and you took advantage of it. What I did was immoral, underhand and down right dirty. Look at the battle of Troy, lives have been lost for the very same reason. The only reason I am in hiding is because I wanted to calm the turmoil to find peace within so that I can make rational decisions. I apologize if I am not in the best of mood for chats, I think it is critical that I pay my dues and give time to heal and before you know it, I'll be back on track.

Some cool linkorama:
This totally cracked me up.

And Mimi sent me this - he said it was listed on the favourite website award.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I just cut cancer.

Image via stock.xchg

Expect a slow but complete recovery.
SoPPy says:after that, i felt as if i just came back from a war and i came out the loser and ended up with a bloody mess
EsSEnZa DeLLa NErAZa says:haha, i figured it was smth similiar to wad u told me
way to go sop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SoPPy says:then i texted u about dying my hair blonde

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Fiction: Inspired by best friends.

She found me kneeling by the doorway of my house. I was crouching foward and my stomach churned.

“Fuck, what have you done Sandy?” her eyebrows furrowed in a worrisome expression - the one she did when I fucked up most of the time.

"I cut myself. Then I rang him ... I didn't want to but he came over and we fought. I yelled and it was as if he couldn't hear me ... So I cut him. Over and over again," I said trailing off.

“Oh baby you’ve got beads of blood on your face,” she skillfully licked some kitchen paper and rubbed hard to get the spots of dried blood off my chin. The blood came off but bits of my skin where she rubbed too hard turned pink.

I stared at my bloody arms, the maroon crusts and fresh scarlet gashes that painted pretty cobwebs on my arms. I had felt no pain. I feel no pain just light headed-ness from the blood loss and nauseated by his face. It was the same face I fell for over and over.

The antiseptic stung my wounds like his lies that cut my soul. He had the face of an angel but he was such a horrible person.

"What did u say Sandy?"

"Bad, bad, bad," I repeated. He was a horribly bad person.

She wrapped the bandages around them and sealed my bow with a little kiss to take the pain away. I felt like one of the kids in her classes. And for a flash moment, the stinging did go away.

When she was done, she stood up, straightened my top, looked straight into my eyes and said as a matter-of-factly, “Good riddance love. Now lets get rid of the body.”


I've heard of the term bleeding heart but its not really like that.
Hurt is when you're so angry that your heart races.
You cut yourself and you don't feel pain.
Your head throbs with anger and frustration and your eyes blur from tears and delirium.


Edit: Thank you to those who have asked how I am. I am okay.
Hurt of this sort is like poison that consumes you. 
Do one thing to purge it out of your system.

Burn down his car, the pile of clothes that he's left at your place, play frisbee with the stack of CDs that you used to listen to together. Get inspiration off the internet.

Tip to all the men, next time you tell someone you want to get married and sort of cheat on her. You should probably tell her its over and not give some cliffhanger excuse like you know, maybe something will happen ... sometime, lay low for a while, change your name, your hair colour, move to another continent (and stay there). You might wanna really make sure that she's not an evil genius. Coz you know them evil geniuses are scary. 

And if you get someone like me ... I hit below the belt where it hurts. Self preservation as motivation works wonderfully as offense and defense. 

Friday, October 3, 2008

Recycled texts.

How does one get one's lost mojo back together when Friday night will be spent in school for discussion, a whole Saturday, or at least the daylight is dedicated to finding inspiration for web design. Come Sunday I'm committed for another project meeting. Ack. There are days where feel like I can do anything. Today is just not one of those days.

Last song syndrome:

On the good ship lollipop.
Its a sweet trip to a candy shop
Where bon-bons play
On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


Ate too much over the holiday.
I recalled a funny msn conversation with a former fatty on the topic of unattractiveness. I can't exactly recalled what transpired the conversation but it goes something along the lines of this.

Me: Minger
Him: I not fugly ok.
Me: I never call you fugly, I said minger. Minger is better than fugly.

On the scale of ugly we have: Unattractive, minger, ugly, fugly

NB: I remembered ... the conversation was about what would you do if an unattractive girl in bar tries to chat you up.
Note to self, chilli padi is an excellent digestive but it also burns your backside.

Inspired by the word of the day: Evidence

I traced the skin atop my shoulders to the nape of my neck where you planted a spoor of kisses. The reflection that mirrored looked nothing like me. My hair was disheveled with straying strands drooping from my chignon. Beads of my perspiration amalgamated with impressions of your potpourri of scents. A tiny night-old hickey was left just north of my right boob. As I lathered myself down with soap, and the cold water hit my skin, I felt cleansed again.

And only you will know of all the dirty things I did.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

10 things I fear the most

Tagged by Kai.
(In no particular order)

Not finding the love of my life
Having regrets
Blood and gory stuff
Losing my mind – I read the Notebook, I think Alzheimer’s is the worst disease ever
Redundancy as if one day I would have no purpose in life and be dependant on others
Seeing people I care about (not many of them) suffering
A huge lizard next to me in a rocket shooting towards outer space - would probably cause me to die of fright.