Mental meltdown. I could feel my heart race uncontrollably, my ears ringing and heat radiating from my face and palms. 38.7 degrees. After contemplating my existence I was much too exhausted.
When 2 out of x of my best shags have decided to move to Europe and not come back, it doesn't become a statistic. It's a f@#$ing demographic.
I need a Euro trip.
Flash back to Saturday.
It's strange how we seek comfort in someone else's misery. It was his birthday Saturday. Between sobriety and a smoke, I remembered telling K and she told me, you know my gf ended a 6 year relationship when she was 31.
"After that she went on a fucking binge and soon I started to remember the men in her life by their professions."
I told her about how I felt about the Singapore dating scene and she said that its a generation thing. It's the 80s.
I laughed.
By her hypothesis, I would have to start dating guys who are at least 5 years older than I am or 7 years younger.
He came by past noon all dressed up in his reservist gear. We hardly made small talk. He looked thoughtful as if to censor himself. He was always so politically correct. Smart but over self regulated.
He looked great as I had always known him to be, his hair neatly tussled, his smile semi reserved and his clothes hanging off his tight chiseled frame. In short, (haha to the pun coz he was about the same height as I was) he made quite a beach hottie.
I thought about him as a public figure one day. He still baffles me up till now. He seems promising but as any one with real power or less worldly wise, he'll be bound to make mistakes; some contradicting the past and promises he cannot keep. Then perhaps he'll learn that life or even the press is less forgiving.
I have a sexy new addition to my family. I'm calling him Pete along with other inanimate possessions of mine; Amanda my macbook and Berdberd my router. Strangely PSP and camera do not have names.
Scene 486, Season 2: Enter bestfriend of main cast member, Sam into posh restaurant. Lighting is kept to a minimal almost like the Paris Hilton sex tape. She’s wearing a little tight electric blue dress with a matching expensive as hell handbag and stiletto heels. Her fake boobs look like they’re going to pop out of that sucka any moment yet she manages to jiggle daintily into a booth seat.
She orders a bottle of sparkling water and lemon and checks her watch (product placement) and furrows her semi botox-ed brow. (It may or may not move depending on how recent botox was done)
Cue Jesse, tall hot tanned, sparkly light eyes with side swept perfectly blow dried hair. Walks no, saunters in. Slides into the booth seat with ease unlike Ms fake boobs.
He gives Sam a peck on the cheek. Sam looks visibly cheesed off.
Jess: Baby what’s wrong?
Sam: You’re late. Look, I’ve been here waiting for 2 full minutes for you. (Points at watch)
Jess: I’m not, I was parking the car. I told you to get out while I parked the car.
Sam: What ever. I’m hungry.
Jess proceeds to order his food.
Scene 487, Season 2:
Sam: Are you happy?
Jess: (While chomping on his food) Yeah.What’s there not to be happy about?
Sam: I mean we’ve been seeing each other for about 5 months now.
Jess: Yeah, its been great. But I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I really want to but things have been so unsettled.
Sam: (almost tearing) Yeah me too.
Jess: By the way you remember my ex, Andi?
Sam: Yeah she was quite pretty.
Jess: I don't think I'm over her. And she wants to get back together. I'm so CONFUSED.
Sam: I'm so drunk right now.
They start to make out.
**Soundtrack plays end credits roll. Voice over: Stay tuned for the next episode ...
I have a grand plan, I'm on my way walking along the yellow brick road, I meet great friends that come and go along the way. And then I realised, having Toto (the dog not the lottery) by my side only makes it better but the journey is mine and mine alone.
