Fiction - inspired by real people

"I met the ex at the ice cream joint that I frequent."

"By ex you mean sloppy seconds?"

"I never got this why do you call him sloppy seconds?"

"Because you said you noticed me first and fancy me like crazy. But I was seeing someone else anyway."

"Urm no offence but I wouldn't have dated you then."

"Why not?"

"Because I established you were quite a himbo. A very delicious looking himbo but a himbo nonetheless."

"Thanks, I think, okay back to sloppy seconds, what about?"

"He had his arm around some girl I've never met. They were chatting and laughing, looking so into each other and were oblivious to their surrounding. Oblivious because he didn't notice me."

"So was she pretty?"

"Hey! You're supposed to be on my side! But in some alternative universe, maybe I'd shag her if I was a man. Anyway, I did the most evil thing."

"Heh, you've got that really naughty look. So what did you do."

"As he got up to pay the bill, I sneaked around behind her, pulled her close by the waist and whispered in my sexiest husky voice, babe that guy isn't even worth half your time in bed. He froze in his tracks when he saw me. I think he might even have wet his pants a little."

"That's so hot. Then what happened?"

"Then I rang you and here we are having dirty gratifying revenge sex for the fourth time this evening."

"You mean fifth."